Overcoming Barriers To Being Close To God
Many of us struggle to feel close to God because of past wounds, shame, fear, or performance-based beliefs. But Scripture speaks directly to those barriers, reminding us of God’s nearness, grace, and desire to be in relationship with us—no matter where we’ve been.
Lies we believe about God or ourselves
It is not uncommon to have unhealthy thoughts about God or about our relationship with him. One of the best ways to combat them is to catch the negative thoughts when they happen and respond to them with personal or Scriptural truth.
This is part of the Bible’s directive of “changing the way you think” and “renewing the mind” (see Rom 12:2), and in psychology this strategy is known as cognitive identification and reframing. Here are a few of the more common lies and ways to reframe:
Lie #1: “God is distant.”
Barrier: Feeling that God is far away, not involved, or doesn’t care.
Truth: God is near and he cares – always.
Scripture: “The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth” (Ps 145:18, NIV).
Response/reframe: Remind yourself that God’s presence is not based on your feelings but on the promise of his presence. He longs to be close to us. Try practicing quiet moments with him, even if he seems silent, reminding yourself that he is always present.
Lie #2: “I’m unworthy.”
Barrier: Guilt, shame, low self-esteem, and fear of not being enough can prevent us from approaching God.
Truth: Jesus makes us worthy. It isn’t about what we’ve done, but about who God is; and it isn’t about who we are, but what God has done.
Scripture: “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death” (Rom 8:1, NIV).
“Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need” (Heb 4:16, NIV).
Response/reframe: Realize you don’t have to be in a better place or space before coming to God. We can come to him as we are and we will be loved.
Lie #3: “He’s disappointed in me.”
Barrier: Feeling certain that God is disappointed or frustrated with you.
Truth: God’s love is not based in your performance; it’s based on his character, and his love is steadfast.
Scripture: “The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love” (Ps 103:8, NIV).
“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Rom 5:8, NIV).
Response/reframe: God’s correction comes not from a place of condemnation, but of love. His delight in you is based on you being his child and your identity in Christ, not on perfection.
Lie #4: “I need to earn God’s love, acceptance, or approval.”
Barrier: Thinking that God’s love or a relationship with him can only come from striving or “achieving” or “earning” his affection. This only leads to legalism and spiritual burnout.
Truth: God’s presence is a gift, not a reward.
Scripture: “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast” (Eph 2:8-9, NIV).
Response/reframe: Remind yourself that you can rest in God’s grace, as a free gift of his love, mercy, and kindness. Our spiritual growth flows out of relationship, not out of performance.
Addressing wounds from earthly relationships
Many of us have been hurt by others, some of whom played a very important role in our lives. Wounds from people that we should be able to trust (e.g., parents, spouses, church leaders, friends) can greatly impact how we see and relate to God.
Without even knowing it, we may project that pain and hurt onto him. It’s easy to assume that perhaps God would treat us the same way.
A critical parent can make us believe that God is displeased or disappointed in us. An absent or abusive father can make God feel distant or punitive. And betrayal from someone close to us can lead us to be guarded with God, lest he hurt us too.
But it is important to remember that God is not them; God is not a flawed person.
6 steps to heal from wounds:
Step 1: Acknowledge the wounds you may have. “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Ps 34:18, NIV).
Step 2: Remember that God is perfect, not imperfect like people. “As for God, his way is perfect: The Lord’s word is flawless; he shields all who take refuge in him” (Ps 18:30, NIV).
Step 3: Recall God’s true nature based on Scripture. “For you are my hiding place; you protect me from trouble. You surround me with songs of victory” (Ps 32:7, NLT). “He will not crush the weakest reed or put out a flickering candle. He will bring justice to all who have been wronged (Is 42:3, NLT).
Step 4: Invite God into the healing process. “Come close to God, and God will come close to you” (Jam 4:8a, NLT).
Step 5: Allow God to help you relearn healthy connections, alongside those he places into your life. “He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds” (Ps 147:3, NLT).
Step 6: Reflect on God’s patience and kindness. He is meeting you where you are and not demanding perfection but offers his love, comfort, and presence as you draw closer to him.
Avoid falling into legalism or the “check a box” trap
If we fall into a dynamic with God where we are striving for his approval or trying to earn his affection, we can get stuck in a legalistic mindset.
We may fall into the trap of measuring our relationship with God by how much we are doing rather than how much we are being with him. This is different from obedience and making healthy choices out of a right relationship, where we engage in regular activities to intentionally grow closer to God.
Legalism looks like “checking the box” of reading a certain amount in the Bible each day, praying for a certain amount of time, having to say certain prayers regularly, and prioritizing quiet time out of obligation instead of love.
If you catch yourself feeling guilty for not meeting certain expectations, or thinking that God is more pleased with you when you are “spiritually productive” (or disappointed when you don’t meet set standards), you may be caught in a legalistic cycle.
But God wants relationship, not our religious activity. Jesus quoted the prophet Isaiah when he said of the Pharisees and religious teachers, “’These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. They worship me in vain; their teachings are merely human rules’” (Matt 15:8-9, NIV).
5 ways to avoid legalism and strategies to combat it:
#1. Remember that God has already accepted you by his grace, and you cannot earn his love or salvation by works (see Eph 2:8-9).
Strategy: Shift your mind from, “Did I do enough for God today?” to “Did I make room to enjoy God’s presence today?”
#2. Prioritize God’s presence over your performance. Remember how Martha was fussing over all the details while her sister Mary sat at Jesus’s feet? There was a reason the book How To Be Mary In A Martha World was so popular.
Strategy: Create downtime or margin for unhurried time with God, even if only 5 minutes of silence, worship, or a walk with him.
#3. Make sure that your devotion flows from desire, not duty. “As the deer longs for streams of water, so I long for you, O God. I thirst for God, the living God. When can I go and stand before him?” (Ps 42:1-2, NLT).
Strategy: If you repeatedly feel like your time in prayer or Bible reading has been dry, don’t just keep going. Pause and ask God to meet you in that struggle. See if there is anything you need to confess, repent, or shift to be obedient. Then ask God to refresh your hunger for him. He is not asking for your obligatory time or activity, he is only interested in your real heart.
#4. Ask God to be your accountability partner. If you get stuck in a pattern of striving, you may not be aware of it. “Unless the LORD builds the house, the builders labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the guards stand watch in vain” (Ps 127:1, NIV).
Strategy: Ask the Holy Spirit periodically or when habits feel forced or hollow to bring you back to your first love, God, and to not just be content in a cycle of performance or comfort in “going through the motions.”
#5. Give yourself grace. Our connection with God goes through ups and downs, just like any meaningful relationship. But please know that he will never forget your heart and genuine desire to know him, even if we veer away from it.
Strategy: Remember that God is ever inviting us into closeness with him. Practice leaning into that truth and the knowledge that we are a much-loved child of God.
Are there any barriers holding you back from a closer relationship to God? If so, take some time to reflect, talk with God about it, and practice one or more of the strategies above. Rinse and repeat, remembering God is loving, patient, and kind. And he is a rewarder of those who diligently seek him (see Heb 11:6).
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Scripture quotations marked WEB are taken from the WORLD ENGLISH BIBLE, WEB, public domain.
Scripture quotations marked NIV are taken from THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.
Scripture quotations marked NLT are taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW LIVING TRANSLATION, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.
